I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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