There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize