Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
