Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
