her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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