if i can run in heels then i can drive
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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