the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
