so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
