Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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