I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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