So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
