I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
