dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
as a side note pls kill me
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
