im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
