and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
