Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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