after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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