If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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