I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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