did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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