you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize
