Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
