I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
