took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
