come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
