dude i'm inner monologue high
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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