Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
