Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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