She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
