i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
