people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
