I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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