I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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