Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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