Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
