there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
