I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
