dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
