I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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