I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I wear drunk well.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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