Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
