he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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