May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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