the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
