You just made me feel so damn special
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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