so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
