Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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