Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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