hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
