I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
