vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
