clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
