I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
