Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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