when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
they need to just BURY HIM!
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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