Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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