I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
