I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
