Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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