i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
