i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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