My room smells like vodka and shame
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
