Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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