I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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