i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
