just come out here and I will go home with you...
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
