i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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