This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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