I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
