i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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