thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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