if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize