I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
