her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
